Tag Archives: poetry

dear diary, another Clemmy dilemma

Dear Diary,

I know this is horrible timing, but I just can’t keep my feelings inside anymore. The past couple of weeks have been absolutely crazy, but fortunately Jude seems to be in a really good place right now.

I’m dying to tell him how I feel and think maybe the time is right. I thought about waiting until after the swim-off, but then I worried if he lost to Billy Emo he wouldn’t be able to handle any more heartache.

Oh god, I just admitted that I think he has a chance to lose to Billy Emo, please help me. But then if I tell him before the swim-off, I’m worried that it could put him back into the mental place he was after the hair clipper incident.

Anyway, as selfish as it may be, I have to tell him how I feel. You are probably wondering what in the world could be bothering me, what in the world could stir all of these emotions………….. Continue reading


Jude’s new poem to Clemmy

Image from: www.axs.com

Image from: http://www.axs.com


Clemmy my love,

I wrote this right after the Billy Emo debacle and wanted to share it with you.

I was thinking about reading it at open mic night, but wanted to check with you first.

I know things have been a little crazy lately and I want to make sure this is cool with you.

Let me know what you think:

The Failed Plan

Nearly perfect, my plan to destroy

The emo infiltrator and his infantile little ploy.

He jumped into my world of cloves and Turkish tea

Jealous of my Clemmy and our relationship to be

The extension cord of death, grabbed my leg, made me crash

My clippers missed their mark, now I have a rad stache.

This fight is not over, I will find your Achilles heel

Go ahead, keep fucking with me billy emo

I am the real deal.

Clemmy teared up while reading this and told Jude that she would be honored for him to read it at open mic night.

the infiltration of billy emo

Scene: Friday night, 8 P.M. at Randall’s. Jude comes in for an employee meeting called by the manager Cindy. There are about 25 employees gathered.

“This will only take a few minutes, unless you all keep talking, then we could be here all freakin’ night. This is strictly a meeting where I am going to make some announcements and you will all listen. No questions,” said Cindy.

“Look, business has been slower than normal this year, so the owners have decided to make a couple changes. (Nervous looks on the employees’ faces) Don’t worry; no one is being laid off. The owners felt it would be beneficial if we started catering to a popular genre of people a couple days each week to bring in more money.

So, starting next week, Wednesday’s and Friday’s will be called “Emo-Hip-Centric-Nights.” We have already hired a new deejay and he will be in later if you want to meet him. The owners recently watched a local documentary produced by some local college kids that detailed the emergence of a new genre of 20-35 year-olds. This group has adopted both the Emo and Hipster cultures and has been making a huge financial impact on our downtown area.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, the new deejay’s name is William, but he goes by “Billy Emo”. That’s all for now, get back to work.”

Jude’s mouth hit the floor and he felt like throwing his purple fedora into the gutter outside. His mind began to race. His heart was beginning to pound through his boy-like chest.

He loved his job at Randall’s. All he could think about was Clemmy, Billy Emo and what to do next.

He put his ear-buds in, selected his “Melancholy” playlist and walked outside into the darkness.

(related posts: open mic night, jude’s revenge, texts about billy emo, a letter from billy emo.)

will the hip-fatuation continue????

Nervously, Clemmy went to Randall’s at the end of Jude’s shift. She didn’t see him behind the bar and almost walked out. Then she saw him walking up the spoken word stage at the back of the shop.

This was strange because spoken word night wasn’t scheduled until the next night. Clemmy became worried.

As she walked towards the stage, the lights suddenly dimmed and Jude was spotlighted on the stage. She then looked down at her feet and noticed and trail of patchouli leaves leading to the stage.

“Thanks to Randall’s for giving me the opportunity to have my own, special open mic night,” said Jude.

“I dedicate this to Clemmy, my patchouli muse.”

“the lifestyle we choose is a burden at times, people are jealous and sometimes unkind

been using hashtags when they were still called pound signs

I rock a fedora regardless of the stares, I sport corduroy scarves without a freakin’ care

A learned revelation, which struck me to the core,

You once were an Emo, could I love you anymore?

So angry, I crushed our Public Enemy tape

I see you out there in the crowd, my mouth agape

I could never leave you, I love you too much,

My sweet patchouli muse.”

Several tears began to flow from Clemmy’s nervous eyes and dropped onto the patchouli leaves beneath her feet.

The hip-fatuation will go on.

(related posts: Jude uses Yelp, Clemmy drops a bomb)

My Smell (open mic night)

ShampooPatchouli(Every Wednesday and Friday is open mic night at Randall’s where Jude works.  On Wednesday, he invited Clemmy for his first attempt.)

Jude walked up to the stage with eager anticipation.  This was his first open mic night. He invited Clemmy to listen and he was nearly sweating through his scarf.

“Hi, my name’s Jude.  I would like to dedicate this spoken word gem to my dearest Clemmy…….. my patchouli muse,” he said with a bit of shake in his voice.

“I call this one, My Smell.  I hope you enjoy.”

my smell, my unique smell

it transforms the smeller into a state of hip-bliss

it lingers after I walk by, providing a cloud of truth

a truth unmasked by a four day layer of dank, warm, mossy-like ambiance

letting you know my beard is real,

my thoughts are 30 years before my time,

my vinyl is legit,

my jean shorts are cut-offs and the scarf matching denim.

my smell, so unusual, so me, so what you want to be

patchouli shampoo………my shower muse

(check out Jude’s first attempt at Outlaw Poetry)

jude tries outlaw poetry

Hipster-Clubs-Big-Chillbeing this cool (bar night)

scrappy beard, shifting in the winter wind like an old cowboy riding a trail

neck…..protected by black/white polka dotted scarf, found at garage sale where a father passed away, $1

bar on the corner, walked into it with head high

“I’ll take your oddest, most original IPA,” I said to the bat tender.

Several sips later, the air begins to thicken and my thoughts drift,

Book ideas and screenplays play a dangerous game of “who gets published first” inside my head, my head that props up a ridiculously suave, purple fedora.

Others in the bar cast jealous stares in my direction.

They wish they could be this hip, this cool, this in touch with the lost elegance of the cultures that danced before me.

Typical night out, success

Tomorrow, a search for patchouli shampoo…………….

open mic night (braggart jude)

Scene: Jude is so excited about his new project with the Hip Page, he’s pretty much pissing himself.  He invited Clemmy to open mic night at Randall’s for her to hear his new offering.  Randall’s is busy and Jude goes on first.  The lights dim, Clemmy is standing at the back waiting excitedly.

Jude- I would like to dedicate my newest offering to my dearest Clemmy and to all my fellow hipster supporters out there and especially Billy Emo.  I call it;

Suck On It B.E.

You doubted me, you mocked my every move

while I filled your cups with the latest brews

you pointed your plastic fingers

directly in my face,

told me I would never escape the latte grind,

while I choked on the cream and sugar

Because of my talent, my immense creative skills,

Take a look at the newest movie reviewer for the Hip Pages.

So thanks for the jeers, thanks for always doubting me so……

Lick my hairy, white ass muther’ fuckers’


After speaking the last line, Jude dropped the mic violently to the ground.  Violently, like he just became the Randall’s MMA champion by submitting Billy Emo with a vicious choke-hold.

Clemmy stared in disbelief and confusion.  She wasn’t sure whether to be pissed off or to take her man into the back alley and blow him like a Dyson.

Is Jude finished at Randall’s?  Is Jude actually going to be a published writer now?