Tag Archives: bars

Jude goes to a sports bar


After reading the email from Clemmy, Jude was confused, distraught and embarrassed.

Dear Clemmy,

Thanks for being honest with me. I understand, but I don’t understand, I mean I think I understand.

Anyway, I’m going to put my phone up for a while and go somewhere where no one knows my name…..you know, the opposite of the show Cheers.

Peace out,


He decided to drink his confusion away, but wanted to go somewhere different, somewhere where he could sit at the corner of a bar and fade into his glass. He walked a few blocks and ended up at Buffalo Wild Wings sports bar.

He walked in with his head down and sat at the last open bar stool at the far corner of the bar. There were televisions everywhere, each showing a different type of sport.

Jude ordered a PBR tall boy and started guzzling while the television above him played a girls college softball game. He stared at the game with a dazed look and was somewhat turned on by the girls playing, but was worried that they looked a little too much like men. He continued to guzzle.

The bartender walked up to him and placed a Jager shot in front of him. Continue reading


plan in action, destroy billy emo (part I.)

It was Friday night and time for Jude and Clemmy to put the plan in action. Jude finished his shift around 5 and had a couple of hours before the grand opening of Emo-Hip-Centric-Nights.

There were posters and advertisements hanging all over the interior and exterior of Randall’s, each one featuring Billy Emo. Throughout his entire shift Jude could not escape the straight black hair and pale face of his nemesis. His brain was nearly fried.

And to top of Jude’s disdain, a large crowd of emo looking kids were hanging out in front of Randall’s and several of them were filtering inside.

Jude overheard one of the emo’s say, “This shit is going to be surreal tonight. Billy Emo is probably the best deejay in the city. I heard him do a set in the alley behind Rover’s last summer….. it blew my mind.”

Jude’s anger had almost reached its boiling point. He went into the bathroom and put on a black hoodie that was in Randall’s lost and found bin. He stared into the mirror and winked at himself.

“Tonight is the night I will destroy Billy Emo. Tonight is the night,” Jude whispered sadistically.

He then crept quietly through the hallway and stood motionless in a darkened corner diagonal from the stage.

The countdown was on, 15 minutes until Billy Emo takes the stage.

(Related posts: emo depression smacks jude in the face & jude greeted with emo posters at work.)

the infiltration of billy emo

Scene: Friday night, 8 P.M. at Randall’s. Jude comes in for an employee meeting called by the manager Cindy. There are about 25 employees gathered.

“This will only take a few minutes, unless you all keep talking, then we could be here all freakin’ night. This is strictly a meeting where I am going to make some announcements and you will all listen. No questions,” said Cindy.

“Look, business has been slower than normal this year, so the owners have decided to make a couple changes. (Nervous looks on the employees’ faces) Don’t worry; no one is being laid off. The owners felt it would be beneficial if we started catering to a popular genre of people a couple days each week to bring in more money.

So, starting next week, Wednesday’s and Friday’s will be called “Emo-Hip-Centric-Nights.” We have already hired a new deejay and he will be in later if you want to meet him. The owners recently watched a local documentary produced by some local college kids that detailed the emergence of a new genre of 20-35 year-olds. This group has adopted both the Emo and Hipster cultures and has been making a huge financial impact on our downtown area.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, the new deejay’s name is William, but he goes by “Billy Emo”. That’s all for now, get back to work.”

Jude’s mouth hit the floor and he felt like throwing his purple fedora into the gutter outside. His mind began to race. His heart was beginning to pound through his boy-like chest.

He loved his job at Randall’s. All he could think about was Clemmy, Billy Emo and what to do next.

He put his ear-buds in, selected his “Melancholy” playlist and walked outside into the darkness.

(related posts: open mic night, jude’s revenge, texts about billy emo, a letter from billy emo.)