the purple fedora incident (jude’s big balls)

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The day after Jude emptied his manhood all over Clemmy’s back, he was working at Randall’s and feeling like an absolute stud.

He walked around the place like he owned it. He couldn’t stop stroking his mustache while looking into the air with a confidant gaze. He truly felt like a new man.

He almost forgot he was working when two jocks approached the counter. Generally, jocks didn’t come in to Randall’s, but they were becoming more commonplace since a YouFit gym was recently built down the street.

The jocks were both dressed in Nike workout shorts and bright, fluorescent dri-fit shirts. They were muscly, sweaty and their demeanor cocky.

“Hey fedora boy, do you guys have any protein smoothies like Starbucks has,” said Jock 1 as Jock 2 laughed in approval.

Without saying a word, Jude pointed to the menu board behind him that listed two protein smoothies. Jude didn’t have a high opinion of jocks and automatically assumed both of them were less than average readers.

“Oh, so hairy face boy thinks he’s too good to talk to us. We’ll take two Guava paste, whey protein smoothies, extra large. We’ll be waiting at that table in the corner, just bring them over to us after you make them,” said Jock 2.

Jude begrudgingly took their money and began making the smoothies. He thought seriously about raking his fingers across his taint and stirring their smoothies, but he remembered that Randall’s had cameras. He took a deep breath and tried to find a happy place in his mind.

He finished making their smoothies and walked over to their table to deliver them. As he neared their table, he tripped a bit and dropped one of the straws on the floor close to their feet.

He bent over to grab the straw and his fedora fell to the floor below.

Jock 1 immediately stood up and crushed Jude’s fedora under his heavily muscled foot.

“Sorry about that, fedora boy. Damn, it smells like hot garbage,” said Jock 1 while laughing and handing the crumpled fedora back to Jude.

Jock 2 chimed in something about his grandfather wearing hats like that back in the 1950’s.

“That’s why it’s considered vintage, but you wouldn’t know anything about style, would you muscle-freaks?” Jude retorted angrily.

Apparently, Jude not only was king of Clemmy’s jungle, but now he was king of the Randall’s jungle as well. Somehow, 150 pound Jude was dishing it to the jocks with little regard for his own safety.

Both of the jocks were now standing and looking like they were ready to shove Jude’s fedora straight up his ass, but he stood in front of them defiantly.

“You better pipe down there you little smelly, hairy piece of trash,” said Jock 1.

“I know you are, but what am I? That’s classic Pee Wee Herman and that’s vintage too bitch,” Jude said and went back behind the counter.

The jocks both flicked him off and walked out of Randall’s without further incident.

Jude stood behind the counter, stroked his mustache and then adjusted his balls…….adjusted his VERY BIG BALLS.


2 thoughts on “the purple fedora incident (jude’s big balls)

  1. Pingback: Jude goes to a sports bar | HipsterStories

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