hipster support group

With things being so crazy lately, Jude and Clemmy decided they needed to find a way to get back to some normalcy.

A couple of days earlier, Jude found a flyer sitting on top of a newspaper stand outside of Randall’s that read: “Hipster Support Group; Be in the Know. We meet every Sunday night, 8 PM at St. Paul’s Catholic Church, basement”

He showed the flyer to Clemmy and they both decided it would be a great idea. On Sunday night, they arrived at St. Paul’s with smiles on their faces and renewed spirits.

They walked into the basement and immediately felt like they had found their long, lost home…… their heaven on earth. There were about 15 people already seated and it looked like a corduroy-beard factory.

Everyone was either sexily bearded, had cords on or both. A couple of the guys actually had fedoras on (thankfully, not purple). And the air was filled with the dank aroma of cloves, patchouli and exotic teas.

As they were walking in, they noticed a svelte man in suspenders walking towards the podium so they quickly took two seats in the back row.

“Hello everyone, nice crowd tonight. For the new people, I notice a couple of strange faces in the back row, my name is Stefan and welcome to the Hipster Support Group. I created this group to help Hipsters deal with the growing Hipster-Racism in our culture and also to help educate Hipsters on clothes, entertainment, food, etc. It’s very important that we remain Hipster and not succumb to the evils of that which is mainstream.” (everyone clapped and a few people let out shouts of “hell yeah”)

Jude looked at Clemmy happily and clutched her hand tightly inside his. Their eyes lit up and sparkled like never before.

Stefan then reached to a tripod poster board stand next to the podium and turned back the first page to reveal the following:

Meeting 13 Topic: Hipster or Not Hipster- A refresher on remaining Hipster

Stefan turned the page:

Turkish Tea, Cloves, 80’s Sitcom Lunch Boxes, Fedoras = Hipster

Lady Gaga, Coldplay, Nikki Minaj = NOT HIPSTER

*****Special Note: BECK is ALWAYS HIPSTER *****

For several minutes, Stefan kept turning pages with similar characterizations on them.  There had to be about 25 or 30 of them.  Amazingly, Jude and Clemmy agreed with nearly every single page. This erased any doubt of their Hipsterdom. If this was a Hipster-Exam, they both would have received an A+ and possibly and honorary Master’s Degree in Hipsterology.

A calm fell over both of them and both truly felt at home.

Then Stefan turned to the last page. It seemed innocent at first with the top of the page including Stefan’s email address and cell phone number. But the bottom of the page read: “Next Week’s Topic- The Rise of Billy Emo.”

Jude’s blood began to boil and he now squeezed Clemmy’s hand uncomfortably hard. She could see the rage filling his eyes.

Somehow, Billy Emo had again found a way to haunt them both.

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10 thoughts on “hipster support group

  1. Pingback: emails between Jude & Stefan | HipsterStories

  2. hotmessmemoir

    This is too much, too much deliciousness! Do you mind if I reblog this? More people should hear the story! I am in a bathroom stall at work right now for Christ sake reading this, so I could finish the story. OMG!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. allthoughtswork

    I live in Portland, Oregon. I keep spraying for hipsters but they keep coming back.

    I try my best to deter them–I brew my own coffee at home, I wear contacts, flaunt loose clothing, I eschew plaid. Nothing helps. Every time I leave Trader Joe’s, there are three more smiling at me and trying to sell me on Pabst Blue Ribbon and wrist tattoos.

    No. Just…no.

    Being twice their age helps a little, I enjoy pointing out to them that the moustaches of today are the mullets of tomorrow and their photos are all over the permanent museum walls of Facebook. Also, having good credit and a very low insurance rate is fun.

    Ah, well, I guess time will heal all wounds and loosen all skinny jeans. They will soon become the old hippies that embarrass their kids at the school play and I will listen, I will laugh, and I will continue to brew my own damned coffee.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. hipsterstories Post author

      I feel your pain. I’m 40 and this blog was created because of how every good bar I went to was being overtaken by freaking hipsters. I just like to drink decent beer and good bars. It became tiring slipping on the patchouli oil by the urinals.

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      Reply
      1. allthoughtswork

        There are several solutions to this, the most powerful and inexpensive one being to start a traveling party.

        It’s where everybody meets at a different person’s house on a designated night of the week or month to drink, converse, and wear whatever you damned well like. The Smiths this Friday, the Defresnes next Friday, the Corbets the Friday after that, etc. The house supplies the food and each guest brings either a six pack, a bottle, or a pint and their own drinking cup. (You’d be flabbergasted how much money you save on booze this way.) Musicians are encouraged to bring instruments and jam. Children and pets stay the fuck at home. Homeowner decides closing time up front.

        It’s fun as hell, especially in summer when you can play weird shit like Bocce ball and giant Jenga on the lawn. I need to meet more people with fire pits.

        Liked by 1 person

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