the plan to destroy Billy Emo

wahlIn the interest of safety, Jude asked Clemmy to meet him at The Rover. She had to remind him that she was still boycotting the Rubberbandits and everything Irish so they settled on a Turkish Tea house a couple of blocks from Randall’s.

When Clemmy arrived, Jude was already sitting at a booth writing intently in a spiral paper notebook. He appeared disheveled, a bit out of sorts and he was not wearing his purple fedora.

“Hey babe, what’s up,” Clemmy said nervously.

Jude looked up at her, almost staring through her to the wall behind and replied, “I have a plan to destroy Billy Emo and it starts with you.”

Jude continued; “I’m sure you heard that Randall’s hired Billy Emo for two nights of Emo-Hip-Centric -Nights. Well, I can’t stand it and I’m going to end him. I will not let Billy Emo take over my Randall’s.

“Honey, what do you mean by destroy?” Clemmy asked.

Jude’s eyes open wider into odd, crazed globes, “I need you to come to Randall’s on Friday night, the opening of night when Billy Emo will be deejaying. All I need you to do is stand about 10 feet away from his booth and blow him a kiss.”

“Why do I have to do that? You are making me scared Jude and I don’t like it,” Clemmy pleaded.

Jude reached into his corduroy pants pocket and pulled out a battery powered Wahl hair trimmer and placed it on the table next to his Turkish tea. His smile was evil now as he stroked his beard triumphantly.

“What in the hell are you going to do with that,” asked Clemmy.

“When you blow a kiss at Billy Emo he will be totally distracted and enchanted by your beautiful lips. I will be hiding at the back of the stage and rush him with the clippers. Before he realizes what’s happening, I will buzz at few large strips of his dyed, black hair right off of his head,” Jude replied.

Clemmy was confused and asked what cutting Billy Emo’s hair would accomplish.

Jude explained to her that by buzzing some of Billy Emo’s hair, he would be forced to shave his entire head. And there are no emo’s with buzzed heads.

“When he is forced to shave his head, Billy Emo will no longer be emo and I will have won the battle. He will just look like an average cancer patient,” Jude muttered with a sadistic laugh.

A tear started to fall from Clemmy’s eye flowing down her patchouli-scented cheek. Her guilt was overwhelming and she realized that in order to keep her sweet Jude, she would have to blow that kiss.

She hugged Jude and said she would be there on opening night.


3 thoughts on “the plan to destroy Billy Emo

  1. Pingback: destroy Billy Emo, Part II- the clippers | HipsterStories

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