Ban-Hipster Movement (BHM)

Right outside of Randall’s there are several light posts that always have various advertisements on them.

Normally Jude didn’t pay any attention to the advertisements on his way to work, but on this day one piece of paper on the pole struck him right between the eyes.

On the middle of the pole there was an obnoxiously fluorescent green paper that said the following:

DEATH TO ALL HIPSTERS, Join the BHM (Ban-Hipsters Movement). Go to our website www.allhipstersdie.com for more information.

Jude couldn’t believe his eyes. He ripped the piece of paper off the pole with a rare show of violence and threw it on the ground as he walked into Randall’s.

(author’s irony note: the fact that Jude littered, illustrates just how mad he was, Hipster don’t litter)

Jude had a few minutes before his shift started so he sat in a booth and used his Iphone to search for the website. He found the site quickly, because he was using an Iphone, and the site was abhorrent. It was so bad his mouth fell open and his purple fedora almost hit the floor.

The site was 100% dedicated to the destruction of all Hipsters and their lifestyles. There were pages of running diatribes degrading everything about Hipsters. There were links to organized fedora burnings, mustache bashing parties, vinyl Frisbee football events and Ban the Beard parties.

There was one truly odd coincidence with the website. At the bottom of each page was a quote that said:

“To be a hipster is to crawl with the worms below the soil. We will find you. We will berate you. We will destroy you. We are dark and hide behind the shadows as you walk by.” B.E.

Could it be possible? Could those be the initials of his new rival?

He couldn’t believe it. After all, HATE is not a Hipster value.

He texted Clemmy to meet him after work.

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6 thoughts on “Ban-Hipster Movement (BHM)

  1. Pingback: Billy Emo Strikes Again | HipsterStories

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