Dear Coffee Slinger,
I come in here at least 3 or 4 times a week and it’s always the same bullshit from you. You stand behind the counter with your stupid, fucking purple fedora acting all high and mighty like you are too good to serve people.
I’ve watched you stroke your homeless beard right before you touch the coffee mugs, which I’m pretty sure is a health code violation. I’m still trying to figure out why you don’t take your scarf off while you work. It’s freakin hot in there, but I guess sweating for style is ok.
I once overheard you talking shit about the Emo subculture to one of your co-workers and almost lost my mind. How can a dirty, stinky hipster make fun of Emos??? Wake up bro, it’s time for you to realize that Hipsters are over and Emos are taking over.
I will be watching…. and smelling you. You won’t know who I am until I want you to know. For now, you will know me as “Billy Emo.”
I urge you to think twice about degrading Emos again. We are dark. We are introspective. We drink our coffee with Nine Inch Nails and only come out at night. We are watching you. You better lock up your fixed gear bike real tight my friend.