Hipsterdom- Jude can’t sleep

baristahipsterJude had a long day working at Randall’s and was fed up with how many specialized coffee orders he had to make. He was also infuriated at how many times he had heard the word “Hipsterdom” throughout his shift. The anger was so awful he couldn’t sleep. So he called Clemmy.

Jude (sounding annoyed) –Hey Clemmy, it’s Jude. How are you tonight?

Clemmy (tired and hazy)- Dude, it’s like 4 in the morning, is everything alright?

Jude (oblivious of the time)– I guess. Had a rough day at Randall’s and can’t sleep. It was like a continuous rush of douche bag wannabee Hipsters all night long. I heard the fucking word, “Hipsterdom”, like a million times. I looked it up in the Urban dictionary and it says that it “refers to the hierarchy within the sub-culture of hipsters.”  So fucking mad I’m ready to shave my beard.  Did you even know there was a hierarchy?  Who decides this shit?  WHO????

Clemmy (becoming annoyed)- So, you called me at 4 in the morning because you had a hard day serving coffee at Randall’s and don’t like the word “Hipsterdom?”

Jude- Well, kind of, I guess. I mean look, my beard fucking rocks, my fedora fucking rocks, my skinny corduroys obviously fucking rock. So, when I keep hearing these Hipster queens talking about how they are “In the Hipsterdom”, over and over, yeah I get a little pissed. Shit, 3 of them were even listening to NWA on yellow Sony Walkmans. I mean fuck, are you kidding me. I’ve had that Walkman for like 3 years now and……..

Clemmy (interrupting)- Jude, you have to relax, settle down. It’s 4 in the morning and I’m trying to sleep. The main part of your job is to serve customers and you aren’t always going to like them.

Jude- One of these fucksters even had a “I LOVE PATCHOULI” shirt on. And it was a couple sizes too small, just like I wear my shirts. How am I supposed to relax with people like that walking around this earth? How am I supposed to relax when these fucksters are stealing my style? My life revolves around being unique. This is a fucking nightmare.

Clemmy (fed up)- Look, I have to go back to sleep. I will text you tomorrow to see if you still want to look for vintage cassettes like we planned. Please Jude, don’t shave your beard, please.

Jude- I don’t know what I’m going to do right now, later or tomorrow. I did put a bid on a WHAM poster and lunchbox on Ebay. It ends in about 4 hours, I guess I will watch the bids to make sure I get it. The poster will kick ass on the wall behind my bed. Sorry to bother you, I will text you tomorrow.


6 thoughts on “Hipsterdom- Jude can’t sleep

  1. alwayssavannah

    “This poster will kick ass on the wall behind my bed.” That’s hilarious!!!! Loved this post, really had me laughing. Sometimes I wonder if I, myself, rely too much on the principle of being unique. Great post!


  2. Pingback: Dear Diary, Clemmy’s lament | HipsterStories

  3. Pingback: hipsterdom (a hipster can’t sleep | Duh'Merica

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