Jude– the Hipster, no description necessary
Sara– the Drug Store Clerk, about 22 years old and very, very average looking.
Fade In: A typical Walgreens drug store in a slightly urban, but not too urban area. Jude, wearing corduroys, a super tight shirt that says OBAMA ROCKS and a sporty purple fedora, walks into the store and heads directly to the pharmacy in the back to buy some condoms, but he has several questions for Sara the clerk.
Jude- (with confidence) Hi there. I was wondering if could answer a couple questions for me about your prophylactic products.
Sara- (a little embarrassed) Sure, I guess. I will do the best I can.
Jude- (stroking his ironic mustache) Great. Well, I like to hang out downtown and I drink a lot of craft beer.
Just last night I tried a wonderful Belgian IPA that tasted like hops that only Bavarian Monks could produce. Anyway, I digress.
Drinking a lot, coupled with my fancy mustache, I always tend to, you know, attract the ladies. Do you get my drift???
Sara- (feeling uncomfortable) I guess, what exactly is your question?
Jude- (quizzically) Well, glad you asked. I have very sensitive foreskin from an ailment I suffered as a child.
I’m looking for a prophylactic that won’t irritate my foreskin and preferably has a slight odor of patchouli. Do you offer anything like that here?
Sara- (dumfounded) Sir, if you look on the aisle behind you, you will see we have a rather large selection of condoms.
I’m not sure that there are any condoms that are scented like patchouli and I’m not sure why any woman would want that smell inside her.
Jude- (like an aristocrat) Oh dear. I guess when you say “condoms”, you are talking about prophylactics.
You see, I try not to use street language when I converse in public. You probably don’t have a record player do you?
I mean, I shouldn’t expect that you would know who the Pixies are. I liked them back in the early 90’s before they were cool.
I even have a Doolittle shirt from a concert they played in Boston.
Sara- (agitated) Sir, I just graduated first in my class from Yale with a degree in Sociology.
I’m only working here while I finish my Master’s thesis on The American Ego, then I will probably travel Europe for a couple of years because I can.
I don’t appreciate your “I’m cool as fuck” attitude, your “ironic” mustache or your ridiculous purple fedora.
And by the way, your shirt is about 5 sizes too small and you smell like an old basement. And my dad was a roadie for the Pixies so try and top that.
Jude- (shocked and stuttering now) Uh, uh, um, um, I guess I will check the aisle behind me. Thanks for your help.