A pathetic Hipster voice mail

cryinghipsterJude dialed Clemmy, but she didn’t answer.  So, he left a tear-filled message.

“Dearest Clemmy, why aren’t you answering your phone?  Aside from the day Trump beat Hillary, today was probably the worst day of my life.  Oh and even worse than the day I found out you used to date Billy Emo.

Billy Fucking Emo and two of his Emo fucking friends came in to Randall’s and mocked me relentlessly today.  They were wearing Trump hats, Trump shirts and wear laughing at my letter.  (sniffling)

It was so horrible.  It brought back memories when I ordered that vintage Chewbacca lunch box on Ebay and it turned out to be a fake and then I couldn’t get my money back.

They were pointing their fingers at me, laughing at me.  They were so damn mean.  It was brutal.  It was worse than any nightmare I’ve ever had.  It was worse than the time my mom caught me jerking off to the bra section of the Sears catalog.  I mean, I didn’t have internet when I was 13, what was I supposed to do????

I just don’t understand why Billy keeps fucking with me, with us.  I thought things were getting better.  And then came Trump.

It’s like Billy thinks he can do anything he wants, talk to me anyway he pleases now that we have an asshole as our President.

I heard from some people at Randall’s one day that Trump was going to introduce legislation that actually lets people bully other people.  At first, I thought that was totally shit, but now I’m seriously worried.

I think I may have to quit Randall’s and I think I may have to move.

Please call me back, please.  (more sniffling).  I….. need….you….badly.






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