Why American Sniper Didn’t Win (Jude’s first article)

americansniperWhat transpired at the Oscars this year should come as no surprise and no shock to hipsters across the United States.

American Sniper did not win Best Picture…………American Sniper did not win Best Picture.

Somehow Birdman, starring the washed up Mr. Mom star Michael Keaton was handed the award.

I’m sure you are probably wondering how American Stud Bradley Cooper’s movie didn’t win.  Well that’s pretty simple………………. The Academy was obviously offended by Cooper’s Hipster-ish beard.

Hipsters and their facial hair have long been discriminated against in this country, especially when it comes to the Oscars.  Below is a list of past Best Picture winners that proves the discrimination.

2014- Birdman: (Michael Keaton has never shaved a day in his life)

2013- 12 Years A Slave: (Slave owners beards hardly count, all white men of that period had beards.)

2012- Argo: (Nearly all men in the late 1970’s had beards or porno-staches, that doesn’t county either)

2011- The Artist: (no beards except possibly a slight beard on that idiotic dog, doesn’t count)

2010- The King’s Speech: (All annoying cleanly shaven Brits)

2009- The Hurt Locker: (All cleanly shaven soldiers, hmmmmmmm)

2008- Slumdog Millionare: (Indians can’t even grow a beard)

I think it’s painfully obvious that the Academy has a hidden agenda to keep Hipster-ish beards from winning the best picture.  Unless of course that beard is on the Ben Affleck and he looks like Harry Reams.

Shame on you Academy, shame on you.



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