jude “can’t breathe” an open letter to white america

breathe(Scene: Jude writes a letter to White America, hoping the Hip Page will print it now since he is an employee)

Dear White America,

Although I am white, I KNOW what discrimination is.  I KNOW what racism is.

I feel terrible for all those poor African-American men who have been murdered by the police.  I know exactly how they must have felt.

Being a hipster, I face discrimination on a daily basis.  People walk by me and scowl.  People walk by me holding their noses while they point at me and laugh.  People, especially white jocks, mock my beard, my hair and my superior musical tastes.

But the most difficult discrimination I face is Patchouli Discrimination.  You see White America, I wear patchouli in many different forms; lotions, hair gel, deodorant, etc.  It’s natural, it’s off the earth and it keeps me close to nature.

Just the other day a customer at Randall’s bought their coffee from me and then shouted “I CAN’T BREATHE!!!!, because of my patchouli.  I was devastated.

At that moment, I fully understood the discrimination that Mike Brown and Eric Garner must have endured.  I felt like I had walked in their shoes.

I plead to you WHITE AMERICA- end this senseless discrimination and end it now..  How many more hipsters must be humiliated before this country changes?  HOW MANY MORE????

I cry with the Brown and Garner families.  I feel you homies. Last night I poured out half a pint of Pabst Blue Ribbon on the sidewalk in your honor.

Wake up America, Wake up.


Hipster Jude


4 thoughts on “jude “can’t breathe” an open letter to white america

  1. Pingback: some hipster/emo comedy | Duh'Merica

  2. Pingback: A hipster’s letter to white America | Duh'Merica

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