Scene: With his frustration at Randall’s, Jude decided to start branching out creatively in an attempt to land a new job. His first attempt was submitting a review of the David Lynch movie Eraserhead to the local entertainment & arts newspaper named The Hip Page.
My name is Jude Linkster. I’m a true hipster and I would like to submit the following review of Eraserhead for your perusal. I think you will find it masterful and ready to publish. I am ready to become your new movie reviewer. Yes, I am that good.
Eraserhead by David Lynch (as reviewed by Jude Linkster)
I’m not going to give you the art-house, surrealist review of this film. That would be too easy. I’m going to give you a realist review by comparing this highly acclaimed film to my tortured life.
Henry Spencer lives in what appears to be a grotesque, industrial wasteland. This is probably why his hair is so disturbingly fashioned into an eraser-like shape, hence the title of the movie. Sorry Mr. Lynch, but that’s not very imaginative.
I feel Henry’s pain here. Working at Randall’s and living in this city reminds me of a vast wasteland of emo nut jobs and mainstream mouth-breathers. I often hear the constant buzzing of the wind rambling between my ears as I watch the buildings decay before my eyes. I feel you Henry and I understand you.
I think the constant industrial humming is an ominous glimpse into the future of humanity. The buildings have collapsed into ruin, much like how the creativity of the masses has collapsed into a uniformed pile of rubble.
When the egg cracks open and Henry’s offspring is revealed in the form of a grotesque snake-lizard-baby, the true difficulty of life is revealed. The sun does not always shine. The clouds are often darker and linger longer than one would like.
The rain often stings more and crashes into your eyes without caring about your feelings. The emo-lovers are often hiding in the dark alley corners waiting to make fun of your lizard baby. Your managers and bosses are often more cruel than you would expect and are waiting to attack you the moment you show weakness.
That same weakness Henry shows as he stares at his snake-lizard-baby unable to coax it to eat. Instead, it just cries and cries and cries. Like the offspring, I often suffer from an intense hunger, but my cries are usually on the inside. I often find the food, but cannot figure out how to consume it.
In the interest of brevity, I will end this review with a personal revelation. Although I wasn’t born when Lynch created this movie, I think he envisioned my spirit as a combination Henry and the snake-lizard baby. He encapsulated my unborn essence in both of them. Brilliant.
(Reviewer’s note: I didn’t speak of any of the female characters in the movie out of respect for my dearest Clemmy, my true love. I didn’t want her to be jealous.)