Jude the complainer

Scene: Jude is pissed about Billy Emo’s protest so he calls Cindy at Randall’s to complain in an attempt to get him fired.

  Jude- Hi Cindy, it’s me. I have something serious we need to discuss.

Cindy- Um, hello……me who?

  Jude- It’s Jude, jeez, who did you think it was????

Cindy- Usually my husband refers to himself as “me” when he calls Randall’s, not my employees. I really hope your not calling about Billy Emo. I’ve heard about enough of that.

  Jude- Holy crap, it is about Billy Emo….please don’t hang up, please listen.

Cindy- Good fucking lord, make it quick Jude, I don’t have time for this shit.

  Jude- Thank you, thank you, thank you. Well, we had a swim-off at the Y the other day and I clearly won. The loser agreed to quit working at Randall’s, but Billy-DICKHEAD-emo decided to invent some ridiculous protest because he’s embarrassed he lost to me. He said you told him that you would never let him quit Randall’s because of the money he brings in. I think, out of principal, out of respect to the contest, you should fire him and get rid of Emo-Hip-Centric nights.

Cindy- Listen here Jude…..I know the whole story and from what I heard, it seems quite possible that his protest is valid. I mean I’ve smelled how much patchouli oil you put on your body and I can definitely see it causing a slick in the water.

  Jude (interrupting)- IT WAS HIS FREAKIN’ MAKEUP….

Cindy (angrily)- Interrupt me again and I hang up. The fact is Billy Emo does bring a lot of money into Randall’s and I’m not firing him because of some ridiculous swim contest. I could care less who won, who lost, who protested or who did whatever the fuck you guys did in a public pool. As a matter of fact, I can’t believe they let your dirty asses in the pool. I should call the Y and complain. You should consider yourself lucky that I didn’t fire you after you buzzed Billy Emo’s hair.

  Jude- This is ridiculous. Can you at least take the “Hip” out of Emo-Hip-Centric Nights? I mean shit, there is nothing hipster about that night and it really gives true hipsters a bad name.

Cindy- If I do that, will you leave me the hell alone???

  Jude (hesitating)- I guess, for now.

Cindy- fine, I will talk to Billy Emo and have the name changed. But that’s it. LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.

  Jude- Word up Cindy, talk to you later.

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